At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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