just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Rumble strips road head = magical
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
