Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
