I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
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We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
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At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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