love makes seman taste better
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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