I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
meet me or not, i'm out of control
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
