so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
