Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
