guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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