Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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