Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He passed out mid-signature
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Randomize
