they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
