I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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