Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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