I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
