You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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