Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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