Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
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im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
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I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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