I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
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He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
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'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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