i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
that may or may not have been my penis.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
