Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
