what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
