you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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