i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
