that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
