so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
