Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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