Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
