how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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