M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
