Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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