Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
