I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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