You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
