The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
