I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
