I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
she smelled like a LAN party
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
