people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
