no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
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you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.