Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.