I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going