he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
