I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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