she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
