i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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