just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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