After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
