she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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