winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
