I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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