That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
