I just pynch a tree in the face
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
