Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
