I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
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With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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