Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
