I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
