gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
