yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
