Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
