We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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