Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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