I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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