Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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