I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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