it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
