I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
