My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Green mimosas i think yes
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
