so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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