You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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